Up a ‘cup’ and other contradictions

So now my boobs are getting bigger and the bigger they get – the sorer they get. So while your dude is thinking he just scored an has all of a sudden developed this ‘glass half full’ attitude toward pregnancy – it’s just a cruel joke. It’s really just God’s way of admitting Adam WAS partially to blame with that whole apple and the snake thing in the Garden. These knockers are off limits – hell I can’t even sleep on them so there is no way anyone but my ob-gyn is touching them. I recently received a big bear hug from a relative I haven’t seen in ages– if I had implants they would have shot out sideways out of my bra and into my cousin’s cabbage rolls. I almost fainted from the pain but had to smile and pretend all was fine (something I am becoming a pro at). This may be the closest I’ll come to understanding the pain a guy feels when he gets hit in the ‘no fly’ zone.

Morning sickness – great for weight control, bad for stress and productivity. Sure, it would be great to stay thin through this pregnancy but being thin means something is wrong and that causes the stress you’re supposed to avoid. You want to gain weight and you want to take your vitamins but how can you do either when you barfing up everything that goes down the hatchet? I blamed the strong side effects of the B6 vitamins I was told to take but everyone says it’s not the iron, it’s the baby causing the barfing. But I refuse to be ‘that’ mom who blames her kid for everything that happens to her.

A heightened sense of smell even a dog would be jealous of. Another great new sensory ride. Hopefully all you smell will be clean, soapy, edible or soothing. But be prepared for encounters with an unpleasant odor. They will have you gagging and barfing within a nanosecond of contact. Although my one cousin admitted to not being able to get enough of the smell of gasoline during her pregnancy. No one said this was going to feel normal, right?

Tip: Store your favourite perfume away during this period or you will forever be reminded of morning sickness when you wear it, which means you’ll never wear it again.

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About Becoming Mommy

I'm a 42 year old woman pregnant with my first child. It's been a rough road to get here and even rougher once I got here! Books and websites cannot prepare you for what you're about to go through -emotionally and physically.
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