Yesterday we had the first trimester screening and ultrasound. I was wound up tight – the last time we were here there was no heartbeat and a lot of heartbreak. This time we were so relieved and overjoyed to see our little creation on screen – moving around like a crazy person. What a relief! The ultrasound lady says the baby’s in a bad position. The tears start immediately and my upper lip quiver takes over. She slowly finishes her sentence “…. for me to see in the ultrasound.” It’s all okay and I’ve identified a gap in the market. Sensitivity training for Ultrasound Technicians.
Now the fun starts….
I’m really starting to panic about this whole thing now. I lied in bed awake all night realizing that I don’t know a single friggin thing. I hate snot – it makes me gag. How will I deal with snot? I asked my good friend Lisa who has been through this twice. “I could change the diaper of a grown man before I would deal with snot!” she reassures me. I remember when my cousin cut her nephews nails in the hospital and chopped off all the little fingertips by accident! Stories like that stick with me forever. It then occurs to me that I don’t even know any singy song things for when the kid goes to sleep. In fact, I don’t even know the proper name for the singy song things. Right now I’m almost ready to call children’s aid on myself.
In the hospital two ladies in their groups had already registered their kids for nursery school and they are on WAITING lists! WTF??? I haven’t called anywhere. I’m pretty sure I don’t rightfully know what a proper nursery school really is! I was thinking we’d just drop the kid off in the IKEA ball room every day until he’s ready for school.
Friends are emailing me saying not to worry because they have all sorts of things like exersaucers?? What the hell is that? I don’t even know what the names of certain necessities are. This kid doesn’t stand a chance and neither do I!
‘They’ assure me it will all come naturally. It’s clearly a joke. They’re laughing their asses off because they all have the wisdom of those who have been in my shoes and made it through. Other people’s pain is always funny.
Last week I arrived at work looking like a bohemian Barbapappa. I blame this ‘in-between’ stage of clothing and expanding waistline. Sunday I went for a pedicure and when I pulled my pant legs up the ‘nail technician’ said “Oh, you here for a leg wax?” Again – Sensitivity Training for ALL technicians. The market just opened up.
Had I known last week what was going to happen inside my head this week – the fashion ‘don’t’ day and the hairy legs would have paled in comparison!
I swear I’m excited. I’m just starting to let it all sink in. I’m secretly in love after seeing TBD.